Saturday, June 14, 2003

How Do I Bluff Thee, Let Me Count The Ways

Two weeks until my older brother gets married. Two weeks. My brother is less than two years older than me. It occurs to me only now that when he was my age, he was already engaged, already planning the wedding; this wedding. With this in mind, I suppose its not too strange then that I am coaching myself on good answers to the question, "So why are you single?".

At the wedding, people may phraise it more politely. They may ask, "Are you seeing anyone?" "So when is the next wedding going to be?" or perhaps, "How are the prospects at home?" Both the bride's brothers are seeing people. My little brother's too young to really date anyone. I'm going to be the only bridesmaid who's not a teenager, dating or married, as far as I can tell. Most of my brothers friends are already married, as are his fiance's. I can see people mentally catogorizing me with the middle aged divorcés.

Its not like I haven't run across this problem before. Back in college, when I went home, people kept pestering me about lack of dating options at school. I bravely told them there were tons of options.. I neglected to say that I wasn't prepared to choose any of them. A few months ago I attended a dinner lecture with my father, and the conversation wondered to the subject of gift bouquets, I don't know how. Someone gently suggested I must recieve quite a few. I told them Dad only gave bouquets to his secretary, nipping that subject in the bud.

But now I need some fresh answers, answers that won't make people run for the hills, fearing a protracted conversation about therapists(If you aren't dating there's obviously something wrong with you) or man-catching strategies, or a big ol' wailing session about becoming and old maid. I would also reather not hear later from my brother that people were wondering if I was pitching for the other team or something. I considered getting Sister Andrea to come with me and presenting her as my life partner, but that really would be false advertising, and Andrea deserves better.

Lets face it, no one likes to talk to single women at weddings. We usually sound bitter and jaded, and mutter about how we don't want to catch the damn bouquet, and wished we were at home jamming ice cream down our gullets. Single men don't have this problem, because they don't attend weddings. They know if they do, someone will pair them off with a single female who's so and so's cousin who isn't that bad looking... I'm sure they prefer the couch and a pint of Ben and Jerry's too, they just won't phrase it that way.

Give me some ideas girls, some schtick about being independent and having a grand time without having to mention I live at home. I know the minute I mention this, a look of pity will come into the listener's eyes, and their attention will drift to Uncle Beevis in the corner of the room working on his third glass of wine. Maybe he's got a tip on stocks he'd be interested in sharing..

Thursday, June 12, 2003

Sister Andrea, I think you might get a kick out of this blog. One post in particular strikes me as pretty darn funny.

To quote: From the My Religion Is Cooler Than Everyone Else's Religion department: I just bought ice cream for honest-to-God religious reasons. So there.

Yeah, we've heard that somewhere before..

Try your hand at Andy's Word Puzzles

Scroll down, they're in there someplace
Its raining here, and because there is no one to play Pinochle with, I turned to word Puzzles, and the most recent Atlantic, which has a very nifty story from Garrison Keillor, if you're interested (sorry not online yet). I solved the first of Andy's puzzles, and I'm sure the rest of you can too. The second one is from Encyclopedia Brown, the heartthrob from Idaville, and I'm still working on it. Actually, I'm just day-dreaming about Encyclopedia, but I'll get to the puzzle eventually.

Wednesday, June 11, 2003

The French are Crazy

You know, I really liked my trip to Paris a few years ago. I loved the beautiful art and architecture, the twining streets and the shops full of fun, interesting clothing. When my neighbor told me she was going to Paris, and asked me to watch her pond, I wished I was going with her.

Now, I'm really glad I'm at home keeping her frogs happy, because she's stuck in a hotel as close to the airport as possible so she doesn't get isolated by the strikes. People are getting violent, and the helicopters are apparently swarming the city. What group could be causing such an uproar? Teachers unions.

Pictures here.

UPDATE: Wow, I'm actually updating something! Okay to be serious, my neighbor got home last night and told me a bit about her trip. Her stay in Paris was pretty short, and she spent most of her time in northern towns, making short forays into Germany. From her time in Paris though, she found that most of the city was subdued, the rioting and such being concentrated on small central sites. In the outer reaches of the city, transportation has not been brought to a complete halt, only debilitated (For example, on one train line which usually ran four trains, only three are running). Private sector people sound pretty exasperated, because they have much smaller pensions than government employees. Unfortunately, my neighbor couldn't really say much more, because the French news media is not very good at being straightforward. Most of the 'news' is really opinion. Thus, she found it hard to get the whole story.

Monday, June 09, 2003

Sister Niki, regarding S/He, as a person who lived with several transgendered individuals (slightly different from transsexuals, these are individuals who would like to be referred to using the pronouns of the opposite gender.. basically its a woman thing, I've never seen men try this), the transformation achieved in the minds of the individuals is sometimes thwarted by the physical realities. You can hide the hips and boobs in baggy clothes, but hiding the feminine fuller lip and narrower face, not to mention the social mannerisms is pretty hard. The transgendered woman I lived with in my senior year of college came closer to mimicking a very feminine gay male than really becoming an actual guy. Her insistance on being referred to as 'he' created some alienation in the house, since he/she was the paid resident, in charge of keeping order and enforcing regulations. The personal clashed with the official persona to the extent that we could all tell she/he wasn't quite sure what she was, therefore how should she tell us how we were supposed to be?

I heard a story on This American Life (Episode 220, first aired 8/30/02) about a woman-turned-man who inadvertantly become the subject of abuse from men who for some reason like beating up smaller, weaker looking men for simply existing within three feet of them. So while women may shut up while you talk, it doesn't necessarily mean men won't shove you in the bathroom.

This is a little off subject, but the thing that bugs me about men who wish to become women, is that they wish to achieve a sort of super-feminine reality that real women don't have. Men who become women are not really becoming women, they are becoming better than real women could ever hope to be. Its almost its own form of misogyny: men knowing how a real woman should be. For women who become men, they are trying as hard as possible to not be women. I've never seen one who hoped to better the rest of their chosen gender. They just want to be invisible. In effect, each seems to take a very gendered approach to becoming the other.

Webmistress Andrea, do you think we should look into this?

Ah St. Scarlett, you will have that address soon, and I'm sorry if I sounded like a zealot on the lawn thing.. I guess random stretches of grass don't bother me as long as they aren't soaked in herbicides and fertilizers to the point the yard becomes a dead zone for living things. Have you ever seen those lawns where even cowbirds and sparrows fear to tread? *Shudder*

Subway Rules

I know both of my fellow bloggers use this form of transportation, though for one of you, the proper term is Tube. I have found several entertaining lists of proper behavior underground.

The Basics, By Mr. Kottke.

And

The Delux By Ms. Catherine. Found via Anil's Dashes, which was found via Buzzmachine. I don't think I need to link that do I? Its kind of like linking Instapundit...

My favorite is Ms. Catherine's rule number sixteen:

16. if it is a crowded train, take off your backpack and place it at your feet. if i subtly nudge your backpack in an attempt to alert you to its existence, do not swing sharply around and look at me accusingly. you stupid [bleep!*], take your big dumb backpack off!
Rule number ten on kissing is also quite good. "your fellow riders are repulsed by your love; have a little respect for their bitter, lonely worldviews, okay?"
Almost gives me an inclination to go make out madly with some random fellow on the platform just to piss her off.

*Making this blog safe for Old people since 2003.